“To be - or not to be - that is the question…” Shakespeare was first quoted to me - in the third grade - when Father Gruza of Saint Charles Catholic School was about to hand my report card to me. “To be or not to be” he said. I knew even then - that I was unfinished.Amazing how we can be over 50 and be finishing ourselves. Recently, I found myself in the “parts-graveyard.” I hadn’t intended to go there…I found myself there…in a moment of trusting a body-worker’s guidance - to release - and let my attention follow the tension. Maybe tension is holding a tight space - while the piece that fell away - is lost. Is this mental basket-weaving? Maybe. Maybe not.

Something happened. Mystical maybe. Can’t find the details in the Sunday Paper - but something happened on that body-worker’s table. Is the body-mind integration process - akin to going to the parts graveyard? The parts of our selves that were tossed out the window - while going through life at 50 miles an hour? Did some parts of us that didn’t “fit” into our little view of how life is - or should be - did the part or parts - that didn’t fit those earlier conceptions - of what made success possible - did those parts get thrown out of our lives forever? Well…this body worker - brought back some memories - that reinstalled some perspective - that’s helping me now. Kind of like putting your brain on ice - for 30 years - then bringing it back into reality - thawing it out - and finding significant jewels of understanding. Life looks different when I love myself even more…and for even better reasons.

A couple of weeks ago I began working with Dr. S. This week I experienced what I call “memory-theater”… where the dark places are coming to life. Dr. S , a veritable shaman of the modern theater of life – American Carmel Valley style. A vastly capable lens of intention manifesting the healing that happens when our spiritual essence is unburdened – of memories –we’d already forgotten. What is that route I took – two decades ago – when I released those memories – that I thought were holding my emotions hostage. You know the clues. You mean to say yes – and something in you says no. You intend to be happy but you’re angry too. It’s not that you want black and white – a rainbow of colors is a great way to experience life – and black and white sometimes too.

But hey! Memories denied are like living on the street – and wondering when your luck will change. In order to change my neuro-emotional experience – I need to dance with the truth – bound up in the body.

Unwinding the muscles, sinew and bones, that’s what this is. And little did I realize 10 years ago that it just gets more interesting – if less dramatic – every time I visit the “zone of the forgotten.”

Dr. S. has an uncommon ability to manifest precise (chakra centered) memories that store “stuck energy”. The body-length spiral of rigid muscle pain is gone. Softened - I can actually feel and be aware of the inside of my body. Something thawed in me that day.

Can it be - that by releasing frozen memory the musculature can release too? Oh joy.

Laying on the warmed body-worker’s table – I heard prayers - and a series of beautiful music - inviting my soul and spirit to release. The music from the CD boom box & speakers - were like a ’symphony for sorrow. Then ‘a lyrical shamanic female voice soaring from a cathedral in England, seeping through time, stirred my attention inward.

MORE TO COME